Successes

I hate that I don’t feel like I can share our successes the way other parents do. For example, Andrielle has been working with her physical therapist since January on walking up and down the stairs. Just this week, she started walking up and down them on her own without anyone holding her hand. For us that is HUGE! It’s taken us over 9 months to get here. But I didn’t feel like I could shout it out on Facebook like other moms do when their kids do something amazing (like potty training). I feel like if I shared our news, other people wouldn’t understand and that big success would be belittled. I don’t want other people’s pity or judgment.

I guess that’s why I’m really lucky to have the Kids Who Count playgroup to go to. I feel like I can share anything and they understand and are excited for us, too. I love having a place that Andrielle and I can go together where we aren’t so judged. The moms there understand the things we’re going through because they are going through them, too.

Andrielle’s successes might be different that other kids her age, but that doesn’t make them any less impressive or meaningful or great. It’s just different. Someday, I hope she will catch up to her peers and she will have the same successes as them at the same times as them. But for now I’m trying to remember to be grateful for the things she is doing, because she is pretty darn awesome.

Wrong

One thing that really bothers is me is when people ask me what is wrong with Andrielle. I want so badly to snap right back with something snippy like, “Nothing, what’s wrong with you?”. But I don’t. Usually, I just politely say something quick about how she has learning delays. Why do people think it is ok to ask what’s wrong with another person just because she’s a kid? My daughter isn't wrong . Everything might not be what the world considers right, but does that make her wrong?

I really don’t mind people asking about Andrielle. It doesn’t usually bother me to talk about it. I just wish there was a better way to ask, but to be honest, I don’t know what that would be.

Maybe

When we first learned about Andrielle's learning delays, I felt like I had failed my little girl. Where had I gone wrong? I read to her all the time, we sang songs and listened to fun music, we bought her lots of developmental toys. But maybe I had read the wrong books. Maybe I sang the wrong songs and we listened to the wrong kinds of music. Maybe we bought the wrong kinds of toys. I had tried to limit her T.V. watching, and when she did watch T.V. I tried to make sure she was watching what I considered "educational", but perhaps I went about that all wrong, too. I had taken her to different parks and attended play groups. We went to museums and discovery centers, to the zoo, aquariums, and farms. Maybe we just went to the wrong places.

I started looking at all the other kids her age in our neighborhood. What were their moms doing different than me? How come their kids were where they were supposed to be, but my little girl was behind. What was different about the books they were reading and the places they were going? Sometimes I would look at another mom and feel like I was doing so much better than her, but her kid was fine and mine was the one with problems. How did that work!?

And I had to realize that maybe it's not my fault, and it's not Andrielle's fault either. Maybe it's genetics. Maybe I can't control it. Maybe, just maybe, someone has a bigger plan for us. There is something we're supposed to learn, I just haven't figured out what that is yet. But we're working on it and I'm doing the best that I can.

The Beginning

John Lennon said, “Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.” When Andrielle turned 2, her pediatrician recommended we call “Kids Who Count”, an early intervention center in Salem, UT. She had some testing done, qualified for many of their services: speech therapy, physical therapy, and cognitive therapy, as well as a special playgroup. These therapists come to our home twice a month each to work with her and she and I go together to her playgroup twice a week at the Kids Who Count building. Andrielle hasn’t been diagnosed with anything yet, we have only been told that she has a learning delay. And – our lives changed. Our plans changed. The future is just different.

It’s difficult knowing she’s developmentally behind other kids her age. It’s hard being excluded from groups and activities because she’s behind. It’s frustrating trying to figure it all out. But life is still good and things could always be worse. These are my thoughts and this is my life.