Maybe

When we first learned about Andrielle's learning delays, I felt like I had failed my little girl. Where had I gone wrong? I read to her all the time, we sang songs and listened to fun music, we bought her lots of developmental toys. But maybe I had read the wrong books. Maybe I sang the wrong songs and we listened to the wrong kinds of music. Maybe we bought the wrong kinds of toys. I had tried to limit her T.V. watching, and when she did watch T.V. I tried to make sure she was watching what I considered "educational", but perhaps I went about that all wrong, too. I had taken her to different parks and attended play groups. We went to museums and discovery centers, to the zoo, aquariums, and farms. Maybe we just went to the wrong places.

I started looking at all the other kids her age in our neighborhood. What were their moms doing different than me? How come their kids were where they were supposed to be, but my little girl was behind. What was different about the books they were reading and the places they were going? Sometimes I would look at another mom and feel like I was doing so much better than her, but her kid was fine and mine was the one with problems. How did that work!?

And I had to realize that maybe it's not my fault, and it's not Andrielle's fault either. Maybe it's genetics. Maybe I can't control it. Maybe, just maybe, someone has a bigger plan for us. There is something we're supposed to learn, I just haven't figured out what that is yet. But we're working on it and I'm doing the best that I can.